You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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