You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
