Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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