Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Alive.
So much puke
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
