Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
