The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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