According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize