I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
