proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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