I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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