I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You made out with two different species that night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
