Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
