Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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