It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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