She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
