Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
