she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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