Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
