my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
