so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
