i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He told me they were just razor bumps!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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