The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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