just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she told me i tasted like america
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
