got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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