didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
