did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
