Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
