You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
