I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
how drunk are you?
Several
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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