those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
