It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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