I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
