So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
