i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
God I need to hump something, right now.
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