My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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