ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
