I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
