Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
