So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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