I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
