I am midnight drunk by noon
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
