it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
