one might say we're banned from that church
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
