That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
