This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
this beer tastes like vomit already
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
