just come out here and I will go home with you...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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