So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
