she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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