her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
