Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
