Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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