i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't deserve a penis
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
