put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Randomize
