Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
