She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm getting married
To pizza
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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