I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
