he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
