Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
