evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
