Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
