don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Bring me that man meat
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
