dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
