It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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