Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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