He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
