We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
