Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
