Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
