I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
