Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
