i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
