My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
