every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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