Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
