I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
