I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize