I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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