I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Less talking, more tequila
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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