Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
