I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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