fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Sober January is a disaster.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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