The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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