I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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