end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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