I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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