Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
