I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
