I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
