Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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