Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
