I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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