john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize