you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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