Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
