he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
