I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize