so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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