it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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