we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize