i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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