I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she told me i tasted like america
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
