I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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