my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
