Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
