I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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