Welp...herpes.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
