Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
