at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
