I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
