Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
