So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
