Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
