I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
send nudes
from the living room?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
