He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
