I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
