I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
