id be glad to
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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